I have been under… a lot of stress recently from a lot of different sources. I’ve been trying to sublimate a lot of it, and it just… hasn’t really been working out. So I’m going to be away for a little while. I’ll still be around AIM and the like, but I’m going to just try to get away from Tumblr for a bit.
See you guys later.
I’m sorry this happened to you and I hope you feel better soon.
/hugs Thank you.
Just… ugh. It was an incredibly thoughtless thing on my part. I was stressed and wanted to get it off my chest and I put things into the response to the anon that absolutely should not have been in there and I didn’t really think at the time that it was that bad but it totally was, and it completely portrayed the other person in a totally wrong light that wasn’t at all intended. All I wanted was to indicate the awkwardness and anxiety that my own constant “Fuck, should I post this? They probably won’t see it. But what if they do see it? Do they even still read my stuff? Maybe I should say it differently. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But they probably won’t see it. But-” refrain was causing me but it made them come off as stalkerish when they absolutely were not behaving at all inappropriately and ugh.
I just wanted a clean “Hey, no hard feelings, hopefully we’ll both feel better this way” type deal and it went completely haywire and it was entirely due to my own thoughtlessness.
To everyone who saw the responses to the anon - there was an accident in which I asked someone to unfollow me and they accidentally made that request public. They were NOT harassing or stalking me in any way - it was entirely my own discomfort. I felt the need to comment on some things they had written on an ongoing basis, and felt really awkward posting it when they followed me, even though I figured they did not read my posts particularly closely. It was starting to make me really anxious, and I figured that they would understand if I asked them to just unfollow. An anon asked me about the unfollow request, and I posted the response publicly (due to the asker being anon) and said some things without thinking. It was not something I should have done, and it portrayed the other person in a negative light that I did not mean to portray them in. They did NOT intentionally post any part of the private conversation, and their behavior has not at any point been out of line.
To everyone who did not see the response, I’d rather not discuss it.
Never, ever make decisions on no sleep
I just… ugh. Nothing has gone at all the way I wanted it to go and I completely fucked up and made everything worse and fuck.
(Or, to put it another way: Suck it, Moffat!)
- Self-doubt about asexual identification
- Changes in sexual orientation/identification over time
- Attempts to figure out romantic orientation
- Conflicted feelings over dual identity as asexual and gay/straight/bi/pan
- Internalized acephobia and shame
- Feelings of being a loser
- Feelings of being a freak
- Feelings of never being wanted by anyone
- Anger at rest of the world for not accepting/teaching about asexuality
- Desire to date conflicts with dislike of sex and/or romance
- Difficulty distinguishing between sexual, romantic, platonic, aesthetic and sensual forms of attraction
- Fear of growing old alone due to asexuality
- Searching for a word to accurately describe oneself
- Struggle to reconcile one’s religious beliefs and one’s asexuality
- Questioning of gender roles and own masculinity/femininity due to asexuality
- Difficulty acquiring a partner who does not require regular sex
- Fear of getting into a relationship with someone due to doubts that the couple can be happy without sex, or having to give in to unwanted sex
- Celibate romantic relationship is not recognized or valued by friends and family
- Attempting to form a queerplatonic and/or polyamorous relationship instead of a traditional monogamous romantic relationship
- Conflict with partner over what kinds of sexual activities can be done, what is off limits, how often, and whether outside sources of sexual pleasure are acceptable
- Fear of romantic partner leaving them for, or having an affair with, someone more sexually interested
- Strain or break-up of relationship due to differing sexual preferences
- Negotiation with partner over consent issues and how to avoid pressuring a partner into sacrificing something, or development resentment
- Discovery of own asexuality at a VERY inconvenient time, like in the middle of making out, or right after having sex with romantic partner for the first time
Conflict with Peers
- Pressure from friends to date and/or have sex
- Virgin stigma
- Difficulty getting acceptance from friends or family after coming out as asexual
- Loss of friendships after coming out as asexual
- Rumors and gossip from other people due to lack of sexual activity
- Pressure to fake sexual attraction to be accepted by peers or please a romantic partner
- Inability to feel comfortable and connected to friends who are very focused on sex and/or dating
- Other characters attempt to “fix’ or “change” the asexual character
- Increased discomfort or repulsion when flirted with by others
- Fear of being outed by others
Other Sources of Conflict
- Inability to communicate one’s sexual needs, preferences, boundaries, and relationships to others due to lack of asexual vocabulary in common usage
- Being stereotyped as mentally ill, sex-negative, repressed, or other qualities due to being asexual
- Family does not approve of asexuality
- Family demands marriage and children that asexual character does not want
- Threats of sexual assault or violence from other people, including from romantic partners
- Alienation from popular media due to heavy use of sexuality and/or romance
- Coming out as asexual
- Difficulty meeting and befriending other asexual people
- Being targeted by homophobia, biphobia or transphobia (either mis-targeted, or because many asexual people actually are trans, homoromantic or bi/pan-romantic)
- Difficulty accessing asexual-friendly health care or mental health counseling (due to pathologization of asexuality)
- Desire to have children conflicts with repulsion toward sex
- Potential for discrimination in work, employment opportunities, housing opportunities and social status due to asexuality. (Actually happens. Really.)
- Public figure, celebrity, or politician risks backlash over asexuality
- Immigrant marriage risks being annulled or unrecognized due to lack of sex (This actually happens.)
- Difficulty adopting a child due to asexuality (Also a real thing that happens.)
- Discomfort or unpleasantness in bars, nightclubs, stip clubs, raves, or other social gatherings in which flirting and overt sexuality are common
…In addition to, y’know, the fact that almost any plot that you write for non-asexual characters can also be applied or adapted to asexual characters. But those are infinite, so here I only listed conflicts that are directly related to asexuality.